Wonders of the Female Persuasion
by catharticdeficit
Summary: Tamaki and Kyoya experiment on a little thing known as make-up. Crack.


"Tamaki…"

"What is it, Kyoya?"

"Why in hell are you wearing eyeshadow?"

"I'm so glad that you asked! You see, yesterday there was this fortune-teller and she told me that for me to see what the future holds for me, I must first embroil myself in the hidden mystiques of the female persuasion!"

"So, you thought that wearing make-up is the first step to it?"

"Of course! Can you not understand that this is the very reason that the female populace has been able to ensnare men throughout the ages! A bat of perfectly thickened lashes and we are putty to their whims! Such deviousness in its simplicity! I got an idea: you must join me! We will test this miraculous substances for ourselves, see if it holds true for the other gender as well."

A withering look. "You want me to put on make-up to entice girls?"

"Why not? In fact, I will personally mandate it so that the whole club will have to wear make-up with us! Come on, Kyoya! Let's first try it on ourselves."

"Hell, no."

"I'll let you plan the next event. We'll do everything your way, I promise. I won't intrude."

"Get me that lip liner."

--

"What shade do you think goes well with my eyes?"

"Hmmm…since your eyes are already of a pale color, I'd suggest a darker tone, to make them pop."

"Smoky effect?"

"Yes, just smudge it around the lids. There."

"How did you know about this thing?"

"Watching Hikaru and Kaoru do many a make-over the past two…no wait, three…not really sure how many years because a lot of springs have passed but none of us seem to graduate or even advance a grade."

"True. Lipstick?"

"Lips should be neutral if you're already emphasizing your eyes."

"…"

"..."

"We are so gay."

"So what? I thought we were married. Besides, look at our club. Lots of beautiful, wealthy and prestigious ladies are bowing themselves at our feet and none of us has a girlfriend. I'm surprised they don't question us about our orientation."

"But that's different."

"How so?"

"Um…."

"Do you want glittery or just plain polish on your nails?"

"Glittery!"

--

"Milord! We're here!"

"Sorry to be late!"

"Yeah, Takashi was really great at the Staring and Not Speaking Contest!"

"What the hell are you up to?"

"H-Haruhi!" Coughs. "Don't I look pretty?"

"You look like a baby prostitute."

"Waaah!" The Corner of Gloom is occupied. No vacancies.

"Foul! Haruhi said something not very nice!"

"But isn't deadpan and brutally honest part of her character?"

"True! We'll let it slide!"

"Kyoya-senpai…."

"What is it, Haruhi?"

"Are you wearing lip gloss?"

"Emphasizes my cheekbones."

"Hmmm…." Pulls him to the antechamber. "I need to talk to you privately about my debt."

--

"So, make-up huh?"

"Makes me feel pretty." _And now I get to make the whole club bow to me. As if that's new..._

Sidles up to him, embracing him tight. "You don't need that to look pretty."

"Hey, people are saying that my girlfriend is more handsome than me. I have to compete. It's in my blood."

"Well, there's something else that's in my blood." Reaches up to kiss him.

"And what is that?"

Whispers.

"Oh, you are so dirty."

"I learn from the best."

"What do you say we ditch them and go for some coffee?"

"Favorite café at the ground floor of the hotel? I'm in. Wait a minute, Kyoya."

"What is it?"

"Keep the lip gloss on."

"Maybe Tamaki was onto something when he said that make-up entices. Didn't know it applied for the female populace as well."

--

And after that, Kyoya managed to have a tube of strawberry lip gloss in his pocket at all times.

**End**

**A/N: **Damn my writer's block. Made me write this instead; I don't think that I'm capable of writing anything more than one-shots. Completely pointless but I hope it made your lips move up somewhat. The little button is down there, begging to be pushed so please use it and tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer: **Haruhi and I were fishing one day and she managed to catch the legendary Kyoya-fish and became his fishy bride for his underwater kingdom where he is king. I got a rubber boot.


End file.
